Arms Wide Open

I have lost count of the amount of times I have posted this song. It should probably tell me something that literally EVERY TIME I hear it, I pause and consider the words. It happened again today while cutting the grass. Right there by the shed, I had to stop and think about the phrase

Just how close can I get Lord, to my surrender without losing all control?

It gets me every time. This morning when I heard it I was reminded of something the lead singer of Casting Crowns, Mark Hall, posted on twitter while he was writing for their new album. He said:

When I am writing a song, I can always tell the difference between a Mark lyric and a God lyric. The God lyric is the one where I end up crying.

Something tells me that the song “Somewhere in the Middle” was one of those “God lyric” songs. It captures the essence of the struggle. It so eloquently states the battle that rages between wanting to surrender the control to God and yet still have the illusion of control. I say the “illusion of control” because at the end of the day, that is all that it really is. Who among us is really in control of what happens in their life? The reality is that we’re caught in the middle. That is why the last line of the song is so perfect.

Lord I feel you in this place and I know you’re by my side. Loving me even on these nights, when I’m caught in the middle

There is a peace that comes from knowing that while I might be caught in the middle and fighting like crazy to go one way or the other, God is still “lovin’ me”. To those in the middle, take the next 5 minutes and listen to this song. Let’s encourage one another to be more than “in the middle” and throughout the Journey.

Fresh on the heels of being inspired to dream big by the book “Wide Awake“, a dose of reality hit this week.

A dream has died

Have you been there? Have you chased, to whatever extent, a dream you believed was something God laid on your heart. Did you finally come to the reality that it might have just been your dream and that, for now, your hearts desires and God’s plan are not on the same page? It can be defeating. Or, it can be a matter of perspective. Let me explain.

Have you ever heard the old joke about the guy that was convinced God would save him from a pending flood? A guy knocks on his door and says “there’s a flood coming, come with me and you’ll be safe”. The guy says “no because God is going to save him”.  Water rises and now he’s on the roof. Another guy comes by with a boat and makes the same offer, same result. Lastly a helicopter comes and offers, same result. The man dies, goes to Heaven and asks God why he didn’t save him. God replies “I tried 3 times! I sent that man, a boat and a helicopter”!

This week I came to the realization that my dream has been like that vision. I have been so busy praying for God to provide a sign, that I have been missing the ones he is sending. While that was met with a disappointment, I quickly realized that there is something better. There is a different adventure. The journey went right when I thought we were going left. All this to say, I believe a few things.

1. God asks us to be obedient

2. God asks us to be available

3. God asks us to be flexible

4. God asks us to be aware

If your dream recently died, don’t lose heart. If your dream isn’t reality, don’t lose faith. Be obedient. Be available. Be flexible. Be aware. You never know when that man, that boat or that helicopter could be delivering you the news of the dream that shares your hearts desire.

Then the LORD said to him, “This is the land I promised on oath to Abraham, Isaac and Jacob when I said, ‘I will give it to your descendants.’ I have let you see it with your eyes, but you will not cross over into it.” -Deuteronomy 34:4

Most people I know have that list of people they want to talk to and questions they will ask when we get to Heaven. Somewhere on my many lists of lists, there is a simple question I have for Moses. It goes like this…”Dude, what was it like to hear those words”? I just want to know what it must have felt like to have gotten to the edge of the promised land, seen it all and then hear the words…”you will not cross over into it”. BOOM.

Have you ever been there? Have you ever chased, discerned, given, hoped and sacrificed for Gods will? Have you been on the edge of what you thought was to be His vision for your life only to hear those words..”you will not cross over into it”. Where do you go from there? Where do you begin to put it all back together and understand that God is still in control. God is STILL on His throne and the journey has been worth the moment.  I found an anchor in verse 7 that we might hold onto:

Moses was a hundred and twenty years old when he died, yet his eyes were not weak nor his strength gone – Dueteronomy 34:7

“His eyes were not weak nor his strength gone”. I love that. Moses had just completed the ultimate “been there, done that, got the t-shirt” and was left on the outside. Although he died at that spot, his eyes were not weak and he never lost strength. There’s something there for all of us. If you feel like your standing where Moses stood and on the outside of what you thought Gods purpose and vision was, don’t lose strength. Don’t let your eyes grow weary. There’s still work to be done. His ways are not our ways. As I type this post, I am reminded that I am “preaching to the choir” here. I have got to find a way to be okay when I hear the words…..

“Are you willing to live a life that honors God and reflects His character and leaves the outcome to Him? Are you willing to live by faith and trust Him to be faithful? There will be days on this journey of faith when the outcome will be clear, and you will not like the implications. On those days you must, like Jesus, declare ‘Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will, but yours be done’ (Luke 22:42)”

- Chasing Daylight by Erwin McManus (pg 81)

I have said it before, but I continue to be intrigued by what happens when we accept Gods call to live in community with one another. When we honestly share in one anothers burdens, we expose ourselves to what, in my opinion, becomes the hardest part of our faith. The “questions that have no answers” become living examples and challenge the very core of our finite understanding of an infinite God. When all of this happens, faith gets “messy”.

Faith doesn’t just get “messy” in community, it can get messy when we look in the mirror. I believe when we open ourselves to “whatever God has planned for us”, it can be the ultimate “be careful what you wish for”. We want the drive thru version of understanding and knowing Gods plan for our lives. It would be so much easier if we could just pull up, receive our instructions (good or bad) and drive away with a purpose. That’s not often how it works. We are asked to wait. We are forced to use our own understanding of what would happen if (insert calling here). Our plans and calculations get in the way and faith gets “messy”.

This morning as I pondered both the examples of so many I know where faith has gotten “messy” and even in my own life, I was reminded of a very important point. God never promised our faith wouldn’t get messy. Hard as I searched the concordance, I couldn’t find a single scriptural reference for that. He never promised smooth sailing. He never promised drive thru discernment. He asked for obedience. He asked that we trust that God is so much bigger than our understanding. He asked that we trust even more when faith gets “messy”.

“Somewhere in the Middle” by Casting Crowns

[audio http://leftfield8.com/audio/ccsomewhere.mp3]

I swear this song is haunting me. Then again, it might not be the song, it might be the waiting that is actually haunting me. The song is just incredibly appropriate. I first heard it well over a year and a half ago and have somewhat forgotten about it until recently. The song is “While I’m Waiting” by one of my personal favorites, John Waller. It was also featured in the film “Fireproof” at a very appropriate part of the movie.

All of that to say that I almost titled this post “Charlotte Update”. As to not set the world and grapevine into motion, I decided to go with a different title. Our home is not for sale and as of this moment, we have no plans to even visit North Carolina anytime soon. God really shook up our basket a few months ago and yet Heather and I continue to wait. We both know that God was and is up to something in our lives. It was so crystal clear at the time of the call. It was almost audible. In the same breathe I would say that we are confident that not moving was the right thing to do. So we wait.

I know so many people that are also “waiting”. Jobs, homes for sale, ministries, relationships, futures, health, wealth, debt, fears and expectations. My prayer list is full of people that are “waiting”. If you know me at all, you know that my weakness is…well…waiting. I am blessed with no attention span and no patience. So the Lord making me wait is a prime example of refining in my life. He went right to the place that I am the weakest and we are pretty well camped out there. So we wait.

I think the point of this entire post is that while we are all “waiting” there is work to do. For so long I sat on the sidelines and “waited” for God to make that move. I waited for the sign, the time, the crystal clear moment. That may or may not come but we can, as John Waller says, worship, serve and run the race while we’re waiting. If you’re like me and “waiting” on God to bring clairty to something in your life, take a few minutes and listen to this song by John Waller. If nothing else, know that we are waiting together.

Rather than fumble over words I can’t begin to explain, I’ll let someone much more qualified explain why we are not going to Charlotte. I have a peace this morning (even in the midst of the pending craziness) that I have not had in a long, long time. Amen?