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To Train Up A Child

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There I was, enjoying “the day after” the big win against Duke today and then this picture popped up. Now I can’t stop looking at it. It gripped me the moment I saw it. The more I look at it, the more I see. This is not a story about my obsession with the Tar Heels. It’s not a story about how fond we are of Tyler Hansbrough. Rather it is a story about that often quoted verse from Proverbs 22:6 that most parents can quote “Train up a child in the way they should go and when he is old he will not turn from it”.

At some point in our parenting process, someone somewhere has given us that advice. I’m speaking for myself here, but do I really know what that means? Can I say with confidence that I know exactly how to “train up my child”? That is what captures me about this photo. What you see is a father, a son and a coach. The image was taken on Senior Day which was the last home game for Tyler Hansbrough in a North Carolina uniform. Over the past four years, he has broken numerous records, won personal honors and will go down as arguably one of the best players in NCAA and ACC history. He did it with hard work, hustle, heart and a lot less talent than many players that surround him. It has been an amazing story.

I look at this image and see the pride of a father. I see a dad that was shown regularly in the stands cheering on his son. I see tears of joy in knowing that his son had reached his goals. His face almost screams “congratulations son, you fought the fight, you finished the race”. If you look beyond the two, you see someone else. You see a coach. The image is blurred, but I bet if it wasn’t we would see tears in his eyes too. We’d probably see the same expression and read the same words on his face too. We would see pride.

Isn’t this image a snapshot of training up our children? At some point, Tyler’s mom and dad poured into his life. They instilled in him the heart, the work ethic and the belief that he could (as is often said of Tyler), “do more with less”. Then came a time when they had to release thier son. There came a moment when they had to hand off his training to one that knew more. They allowed his coach to be his guide. When the “game” was over, they were there to share in his victory. They were all there to share in that moment when he reached the summit and all of their time, effort, coaching and investment met.

I might not know what how to train up a child, but I think this image gives us a glimpse. Our call is to raise our children and instill in them values that they will carry beyond our homes. One day, we pray that we will send them off with a “coach” that will continue those values and teach them more than we ever could. We pray that through the careful instruction of the Holy Spirit, our children will reach the full potential of what God has called them to be. That they will “do more with less” and shatter ever goal in front of them. Then one day we will all stand together and share in that moment when they have achieved victory. Not scores, stats or trophies, but the victory in finishing the race and achieving the crown.

That is when we will know what it is to “train up a child”.

The Foundation

There was one other quote that I had to commit to memory from the book “The Difference A Father Makes” by Ed Tandy McGlasson. When I read it, it practically jumped out off of the page and tapped me one the shoulder. I think it hit a fear that many of us have as parents. As my son has gotten older and we can communicate further why we do things like discipline, I have taken a new approach. I have recently let him on to the secret that “this is my first time at this too” and “I’ve never been a Dad before”. I hope one day he will appreciate the honesty that I’m learning as we go too.

Yet the fear that each one of us carries is that we will somehow get this wrong. That we will work so hard providing the right teaching, that we will miss something and they will go off course. I found a peace in the quote below because it gave me some courage. It gave me the confidence to know that I can rest in the fact that we are doing what we can to provide a foundation. I pray Gods grace over that foundation and that it will be strong, sturdy and worth building on.

Our job is to build the foundation; theirs is to build the house.

-Ed Tandy McGlasson

Early Shopping Recommendation

I mentioned this book in a previous post, but I finished it today and just have to recommend it again. In case you missed it, I was given a copy of “The Difference A Father makes” by Ed Tandy McGlasson at the All Pro Dad event I attended last weekend. What an incredible, incredible jewel this book is. I finally had to get a pen out of my bag to underline line after line of great wisdom and knowledge as I read it. I folded the corner of just about every other page.

As to not take anything away from what Ed has written, I just want to recommend the book. There are principles and suggestions which any and every father can take and utilize. Particulary as our kids get older. There is one concept in particular that I absolutley love and cannot wait to apply when the kids are old enough. What an amazing blessing this short book was to me today. Great stuff.

If you’re interested in a preview, you can download one chapter at Ed Tandy McGlassen’s web site (lower right corner).  Wives, get it for your husbands. Sisters, get it for your brothers. Children, get it for your Dad. Dads, get it for yourself. Believe me, you will be glad you did. It’s a quick read that quite possibly will change the way you talk, think and raise your kids.

Special thanks to Ed Tandy McGlassen for accepting Gods call on his life and to All Pro Dad for the gift. Hopefully others will pass on the gift to their Dads, husbands, brothers and friends.

The Difference A Father Makes

While at the All Pro Dad Experience, we were all given a gift bag with several items in it. Arguably the most valuable thing was a book entitled “The Difference A Father Makes” by Ed Tandy McGlasson. I sat down yesterday to read it and was caught by something I read.

An involved father can make all the difference in a child’s life. His love and care can be the deciding factor in helping a young one become who he or she was created to be. When our hearts are filled with security and trust in a dad who loves us we stop living for our father’s approval and begin to live from his approval. Out of our assurance of his unending love and commitment, we’re enabled to become the person we were created to be and, in the process, bring pleasure to our dad.

I was captured by that in two aspects. First, it was a reminder that I must create a culture in our home where my children believe and know they are living from my approval and not for it. They had my love and security the day they were born. Secondly, I need to live from that approval with regards to our Heavenly Father. As Ed said, it would enable me to become the person I was created to be.

One other quote from this insightful book I had to share. So often we sit in the stands and cheer our kids on. They seek that approval and need to know that we are cheering as loud in their failures as we are in their success. With that in mind, I close with a question from the book:

“When you are on the field of life, who are you looking for in the stands?”

Arms Wide Open

Strange day for me today. When the calendar page turned to the 6th of October, my first born turned 8 years old. Not only is he our first born child, but he is my only son. I honestly cannot remember where the past 8 years have gone. When I think about the fact that when the same time period passes again, he will be driving, I really can’t believe it. Seems like just last summer we were trying to figure out a bicycle.

You’ll have to understand today if I am overly reflective and maybe a bit silent (is that even possible?). I get this way three times a year. One day for each child. I close with what I have prayed for “The Boy” since before he was born. Happy Birthday my son. May you always greet the world…”With Arms Wide Open”.

If I had just one wish
only one demand
I hope he’s not like me
I hope he understands
That he can take this life
And hold it by the hand
and he can greet the world
with arms wide open

-Creed

[audio http://leftfield8.com/audio/creedarms.mp3]

APD Father Kid Experience Day

Tomorrow my good friend Brian and I are taking a road trip with our oldest children to the All Pro Dad Father & Kids Experience in Cincinnati. The event is at Paul Brown Stadium where the Bengals used to play. As an added bonus, we’re hoping to catch up with fellow bloggers and friends Rindy, Matt and Paul Peterson before we head north to go home. I’m sure I’ll have a wrap up sometime next week too.

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