WARNING!! This post will probably be all over the place. It more or less represents my thoughts the past few days. I told my wife the other day that I just could not seem to get focused. I would walk in a room to get something and totally forget what I went in there for. I typed words that were totally not what I meant to type. The funny thing is that I have complete peace. I really do. Thanks to many, many prayers and friends, I have traveled the waters of the past week really, really well.
So as I sat down to the blinking cursor tonight, I could only come up with one phrase…”Where do we go from here”. To anyone that reads these words and has been in my shoes, you have probably said the same. I keep saying it, but it has just been surreal. I spoke to a friend today that lost his Dad several years ago and he said he still feels that way. As I flew to Houston I kept thinking that I was soon going to become one of those people that says “I lost my Mom back in 2010”. Strange. It still feels weird to even type that.
So where do we go from here? For me, I have chosen to emerse myself in the wonderful memories. I am drenching myself in the great stories of a woman committed to people, to breaking the cycle, to restoring lives and extending grace. One place I will go from here is to challenge myself each day to do the same. I have the road map. I was given a first hand lesson. I have camped out on some of my favorite mom “ism’s” growing up. Things like:
“Do us proud”
“Better your best” (when competing in anything we did)
“Sugar!!” (the closest my mom ever came to a cuss word)
“The thing you fear most NEVER happens”
“Somewhere in the World” (in reference to this song by Wayne Watson. My mom prayed it for years)
One other memory I had the other day involved the old Atari. This will shock your socks off, but when I was growing up, I wasn’t much of a real talker. Believe or not, there are times when I still enjoy silence. However, my mom was determined to get me communicating. She found her answer in playing Atari with me. I’m here to tell you that we had some fierce battles. Pacman and Pinball were the games of choice and before you know it, I was telling her about my day, my fears, my hopes and dreams. We went through many Atari joysticks playing those games. I’m not sure who broke them more trying to get that pacman home, but it worked.
I still think she practiced while I was at school so she could beat me at pinball when I got home. This also became a regular instance of hearing her say the word “Sugar!!!”.
I warned you this would be all over the place. I think my point was that it was weird to blog about anything right now. I’m sure there will be a time and a place for that. Hang with me awhile. We’ll get back to blogging soon enough. I’m going to go find that Atari….