Today I had one of those iTunes moments again. In the quiet of my office, my (VERY) random iTunes collection softly played in the background. The song “Like A Rock” by Bob Seger (which was played to death by Chevy in their commercials) came across the speakers. Something caught me. Maybe it’s because I just got back from visiting the doctor. Maybe it’s because I don’t feel like “a rock” anymore. Maybe it’s because I wonder if I’ll ever feel that way again.

Maybe you feel that way too…

And I stood arrow straight
unencumbered by the weight of all these hustlers and their schemes
I stood proud I stood tall high above it all
I still believed in my dream

Remember when you were 18 and didn’t have a care in the world? You didn’t fear a day when you wouldn’t be here. You didn’t think about a time when your parents wouldn’t be here. Your friends would always be close and the problems of the world were far from your daily journey. Somewhere something changed. Now I fear many of those things. Now I have experienced many of those things. Now the journey of the future and all it’s unknowns…scares me.

Twenty years now, where’d they go?
Twenty years, I don’t know
I sit and I wonder sometimes
where they’ve gone

And sometimes late at night, oohhh when I’m bathed in the firelight
the moon comes callin’ a ghostly way, and I recall
I recall

If I’m really honest I want that back. Here’s the thing though…I don’t want to give up anything I have to gain what I have lost. I often draw a line between marriage, children and responsibility with the loss of that “Rock” mentality. When it was just me, I didn’t fear the unknown. Now that there are others involved that depend on me, I care and I fear. Does that even make sense? I want so much to be the rock, the provider and the man I need to be. Yet deep in my heart I think I might have lost that in the fear of not being any of those things.

Like a rock
Standin’ arrow straight
like a rock
chargin’ from the gate
like a rock
carryin’ the weight
like a rock

I believe it’s out there. I believe being a rock again is possible. If I’m honest it’s a matter of surrender to the real rock. It’s a matter of saying “Lord I don’t know about tomorrow, but I know who’s in control….and it’s not me.” It’s where the surrender starts that being “a rock” begins…